Assignment 1 Draft

When I came into the brainstorming, I was wondering if I should follow the three beat planning (Setting - Buildup - Punchline) or perhaps try a different route. After looking at the drafts of my fellow classmates, I felt that the structure was somewhat lacking. Perhaps it was because they were trying to fit a three-panel methodology into a 5 panel structure. Hence, I decided to look for a more suitable story structure.

As punchlines tend to be a last panel affair, it felt that the denouement was lacking, or rather, the stories felt somewhat incomplete. Because of my natural inclination to try add some sort of relatable emotional content to stories I tell, I wanted to have an emotional climax, while still angling for some comedic value. Being greedy, I felt that a double three beat structure would work here, with the first S-B-P arc contained within the over-arcing S-B-P arc. In other words, the Setup and Buildup for the comedic arc would serve as the set-up for the over-arcing emotional arc, the comedic punchline and a continuing build up would serve as the build up, with the last panel being the emotional punchline (perhaps climax would be a more appropriate description) of the over-arcing story.


The original draft was as follows:

Panel 1: Two characters are looking at a locked gate of a fenced compound. One of them is holding some flowers

Panel 2: Both characters appear to look through the fence, visibly upset at their inability to enter.

Panel 3: The character attempts to toss the flowers over the fence, only to hit the top of the fence and hand on his head.

Panel 4: The character attempts a second try, this time clearing the fence.

Panel 5: The shot is viewed from the other side of the fence, as we see the flower land on a grave, at which the two characters are looking at through the fence.

The story was meant for an emotional impact as I imagined the two characters visiting



Initially, I wanted to go with the traditional horizontal panel sequence, but I realized that the title would bleed focus from the middle panels, and perhaps give away the ending. The vertical sequence which I ended up with would be better for conveying the fence as a tall obstacle, as well as allow for a greater variety of shots, rather than using side shot for the first four panels.

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After a multitude of fumbling attempts to realize the images that I had conceived in my head, I had to concede to the fact it was simply not happening. The conditions and props that I required were simply too precise: a fence that were the exact height of the actors with spikes, scenery with said fence and a grassy terrain, a miniature gate that would go with the fence that could be locked, and so forth.

It was heartbreaking, especially after the hours I had spent time rigging together styrofoam and toothpicks to form the fence, and tried ways and meaens to get some form of gate. Even worse, the fence looked hideous with the out of place toothpick spikes. I now understand how video directors feel when they have to make do with scenes that they are clearly unhappy about putting on air. At the same time, I realize that my ability to transform the ideas in my head to reality is almost nil when it comes to visual storytelling. My original instinct as a wanna-be writer pushes me to think up of interesting and emotional scenes for my submissions, but my inexperience with the visual field when I've been used to dealing with words is simply jarring. A scene that can be easily expressed in words is so difficult to pull into reality with images.

Resigned to a necessary plot change, I've changed the scenes into a character (toy bear) trying to climb a fence while holding a flower, fails and falls on his back, then tosses the flower into, on to a grave. Inspired from the ideas of Professor Chiang, I thought to use the other character (female bear) as support, which will be revealed as a ghost/imagination in the last panel, as  the grave would have the picture of her.